Dens, hideaways and lookouts...

Autumn always brings to mind one of the great childhood pleasures - den building.  I think it is probably the dry leaves and abundance of fallen sticks and branches, plus the idea of hibernation, that create such nostalgia.  Yet, if you ask children today about building dens you'll often get a blank look in return. If they do give an enthusiastic response then the chances are that most of their creations have been made indoors or as one 10 year old told me, 'I like Monsters Den' - an online adventure game!  

Not that I'm knocking the indoor hideaway in any way. I have great memories of setting up camp under the dining room table, behind the sofa or simply hanging a blanket over a clothes airer. But, there is a real Bear Grylls-type thrill in gathering natural materials, building something outside and attempting to keep out the elements.  The problem is that outdoor play space is more limited now and parents are, understandably, anxious about their children's safety if they are out of sight, even for a minute.  It's a shame because I think dens play an important part in childhood development. It's no coincidence that the appeal of creating such a space tends to start as a child's sense of self develops between the ages of 3 and 7. Dens in this sense become like a little home for the soul.

(image credit: littlegreenshed)

When we lived in Somerset, S was lucky enough to go to a lovely Steiner-inspired kindergarten and later she spent some time at forest school.  The kindergarten had the most beautiful playstands that were set up with a silk canopy that added privacy but let the light filter through. A playstand is really like a more crafted version of a wooden clothes horse but, unlike a manufactured playhouse, their simplicity allows them to be far more open-ended - this play space is often used as a house but it could equally be imagined as a cave, fort or a magical tent.  A quick search on Pinterest certainly has some inspiring images and tutorials on how to make your own. I badgered L to make some for us when the children were younger and now we still use them as functional shelves around the house.

Our playstands set up as a playhouse with a rainbow silk canopy

At the end of our garden we have a ready made den.  Being terrible gardeners, the vastly overgrown hedges, weeds and ivy have joined forces with the conifers to create a hidden glade.  S has added her own furniture (commandeered pallets from our builder neighbour) and made a doorbell. She has also made a sign, making it clear that adults are not allowed! Many happy hours have been spent there playing out imaginative games both by herself and co-cooperatively with friends. Her older sister was pelted with mud grenades once when she dared to peek in!

Where the wild things are!
You need to ring the doorbell with a stick 

Log stools, pallet table and plastic plant pots for making mud and leaf stew!

As well as this hideaway there is a lookout too, up in the tree outside the front of the house. It's useful for pirate games but S is most frequently found there with a book, Luna by her side. 

Cap'n S up in the lookout with first mate Luna

Do you ever grow out of den-building, I wonder? I think all we do is recreate more sophisticated versions in our homes and gardens. I could possibly argue that my bed has become a bit of a den, especially on weekend mornings, with cushions, books, smuggled supplies of biscuits and mugs of coffee on the side table. It's definitely a place to hide away from the housework and to be honest...the responsibilities of being an adult!

Linking this post with The Theme Game at The Reading Residence

Silent Sunday...

Silent Sunday

Predictive advice...

Not long ago I reluctantly updated my ancient Blackberry with a swanky new Samsung Galaxy S4. My children chuckled (in a rather Chuckie-like way) at my upgrade because they know that whilst I might possess updated technology, my brain is still outdated. Compared to their father, who is the ultimate gadget man, my conversion to the new-fangled has taken longer and I remain the only person they know who puts apostrophes in my text messages.

I needed a few tutorials from S (aged 11) but with stubborn determination I got to grips with lots of new features, fell in love with Instagram and even managed to install a few nifty apps.  The most surprising thing for me, however, was the superior predictive text function. I have no idea how the clever algorithm-thingy works but I am super impressed when offered the very word I need before I even type it - a kind of Samsung crystal ball. 

My chubby-finger-dyspraxic-typing, and tendency towards to distraction, have resulted in a few funny messages though.  For instance, L was surprised to read that I was picking up a 'slave' from the supermarket and a bit disappointed when I arrived with 'salad'. I also complained that an irritating acquaintance was being a bit of a 'dalek' (well, the first and last letter are correct anyway...exterminate!)

I'm also enjoying the randomness of what I call 'predictive advice'.  I start to type something and Samsung typically offers me three options to continue with.  I started to text 'I have to buy a...' and the main suggestion was 'hat'.  I decided that was, in fact, a very good idea and I really should buy a hat (the woolly kind rather than the bonnet variety). 

Yesterday morning, sat at my desk, my head buzzing with all the work tasks ahead of me and the unfinished chores at home, I realised that no one had put the rubbish out and we would be left with an overflowing wheelie bin for another two weeks. I started to send a resentful text to L, who was sleeping in working from home, to say 'Please will you take the...' but before I got to the word 'bin' my phone suggested 'time' instead. I took the advice and took some time to just stop for a moment.  I could feel the tension in my shoulders start to subside as I just concentrated on my breathing for a few moments and chill. I looked through the window in my classroom to notice the autumn sun beginning to break through the morning gloom. It turned out that one of the girls had actually noticed the bin and taken it out already (amazing domestic epiphany) and what had started as a fraught day turned out to be a much calmer one - thank you Samsung.

Linking this post up with Sarah at Hello Wall and her new linky Something for the Weekend.

 

Silent Sunday

The quiet child

Just recently I attended a seminar about personality type. It was a fascinating and thought-provoking course and made me think about how much in education is geared towards the extrovert.  Gone are the days where children are expected to sit silently, taking instruction from their teacher, working on their own from a textbook or copying from the blackboard.  Today's classroom is a noisy place, even reading can no longer be relied upon as a quiet endeavour.  If you were to take a tour around a primary school now you would see paired reading, group reading, interactive reading activities around the smartboard and, of course, the dreaded reading aloud.  I'm not saying that I'd like to go back to a time where children were terrified into silent obedience but I do feel that for the introverted child the world of school must be a place with no refuge or break from extroverted expectation; a world therefore of stress and anxiety.  Children are sat facing each other in groups, teachers are trained to question, challenge, instigate, all at a pace.  There is little time for quiet reflection instead children must put themselves forward, think on their feet, adapt, contribute, discuss, debate, all as part of a team where the more serious individual is passed over in favour of the entertaining one. 

(image credit: thepowerofintroverts.com)

The introverted child is often labelled with a whole range of negative adjectives: awkward, lacking social skills, unassertive, passive, aloof, not a team player, timid...I could go on.  There is a basic misunderstanding about the nature of the introvert: that they are shy and anti-social when in fact it is simply a difference in energy.  An introvert can be sociable; they can be noisy, they may well enjoy a party, but this cannot be sustained for long. An extrovert gains energy from being around other people; without social interaction they become fatigued, whereas for an introvert this is draining and they need time alone to recharge.  They have a rich inner reserve that they need time to draw from and then top up again.  In a perfect world there would be a balance between types but true introverted personalities are outnumbered; for every introvert there are three extroverts. 

With this in mind it's not surprising that the introverted child is so often overlooked in the classroom with few opportunities to show their strengths. Susan Cain, the author of the bestselling book 'Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking' makes the assertion that introversion is 'not something to be cured'.  If you've not come across her book then I'd recommend it. It's a startling read and does much to de-bug those personality myths that have become so ingrained in our extroverted culture. She champions the introvert and I think her Quiet Manifesto should be enshrined in every teacher's classroom and for that matter every workplace. If you find yourself nodding in quiet agreement then it's probably because you have a little introvert in your family or recognise this preference in yourself. Although introvert-extrovert is a spectrum, I can say with some certainty that I have two children who are at opposite ends! Consequently parenting is a fine balance especially when you find yourself quite the opposite from your partner as well! Here are my key strategies for nurturing your quiet child:

• Use positive adjectives: let your child know that it's more than alright to be 'thoughtful', 'reserved', 'quiet', 'focused', 'inquiring', 'investigative', 'a good listener'. Share their strengths with teachers, let them know that they like to have time to think before speaking, that they need to observe before doing, evaluate what they've read before responding, express their thoughts in a variety of ways other than just verbally, 

• Provide a sheltered place:  in your home a cosy nook that a child can retire to - a little space to call their own. At social events find acceptable ways to take a break from too much company and filter out noise i.e. earphones for music, a book under the table, a short walk or task that gives time out for five minutes.

• Nurture the difference: reject over-zealous efforts from others to 'bring them out of their shell', to join more groups and societies, make more friends. Instead encourage friendships with one or two like-minded children or those happy enough to play alongside rather than always with and who are not offended when your child wants to spend time alone. 

(image credit: psychologytoday.com)

Linking up this post with The Monday Club at Hello Wall.  Do visit and check out lots of lovely blogs.

Silent Sunday